It’s another week of electrocution.
Today, it’s my left side, zapped by live wire, spasming every time I think it’s OK to stop holding my breath. It’s my sacroiliac joint, screaming.
They say a solar flare is a sudden flash of brightness from the sun. My body is the sun, on fire, flaring bright.
A pulsing throb – a bubble of evil heaving in and out during hibernation, never fully asleep, never fully awake – nestles deep within my joint.
A warning buzz hums there, right before a breaker explodes after being submerged.
Hot coals pulse red, glowing, never extinguished.
A steel rod pumps syringes full of boiling, electrified oil too big for the membrane sac to contain, but it stretches and screams all the same.
The fizzle and pop of lights exploding with surges of heat and energy –
My body, flaring.
Like most solar flares, Ankylosing Spondylitis flares are not visible to most humans.
A pocket of lava explodes in my joints. A mini volcano.
A leak of formerly (and usually) contained pain simultaneously seizes and implodes – visualize a snowball unthrown, rewound and caught by the thrower: cold, harsh snow being sucked back into a crushed up mass of cold, melting heat.
An Octopus of Pain is hungry, reaching tentacles upward and outward, suctioning everything & shooting powerful numbing venom into nerves and muscles.
My body convulses.
Anchors fling themselves outward, hooking internal fibers at will with jumpy marionette string, controlling and contorting my body, the unwilling puppet.
The sacroiliac becomes the core, the nucleus, of decisions and pain. To otherwise move or be in control is in the face of a monster named fate.
Pain begets unchosen fatigue from a body surviving its fight against itself yet again.
The flare reduces choice to ashes.
They say to light flares when you’re in distress, lost and afraid.
My body is in distress.
A pestle and mortar grinds these joints. Are the bones just waging war, joint-on-joint?
Explosions shatter; shards of bone vibrate outward; finger-line fault-line cracks grow after an earthquake, aftershocks sending waves of grating pain, breaking apart bones that are the support beams of the body.
At least that’s what it feels like.
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